and the hope of morning

[founderinglight]

Who: Izunia and you! And a kitty. (First prompt closed to Ardyn)
What: TWIN FIGHT TWIN FIGHT and general catchall. And a kitty.
When: Twinfight: Morning of Tues the 1st. Everything else, whenever whenever after that.
Where: The beach; around the Station
Warnings: All the hecking warnings on the twinfight.

Closed to Ardyn

[It takes some time to find his brother; as a result, people might see Izunia doing the "think murder and walk" thing for a half an hour or so around the Station before he concludes that Ardyn isn't there and heads elsewhere. Those with a careful eye will notice more than just his stance being different; he's clean-shaven and decked out in full black coat and boots, including a black tricorn hat with an impressive plume and a bird skull of some sort attached to it. If the growing heat of the mid-to-late morning bothers him, it's hard to tell.

Those who are more used to the casually-dressed, laid-back man usually seen around the Station could well be surprised to see this side of him. Today, the Founder King walks.

And so it is eventually out of the Station that he roams, and there spots the figure down on the beach from the cliffside. A thrown dagger hits the sand, leaving behind it the blue trail of a very long warp, and Izunia plucks it from the sand before crossing the last few yards to his brother.]

Ardyn. If you have some time, might I have a word?

[menacing]

May 2-4, aka the Heat Wave, around the Station

[Come the heat wave itself, however, Izunia is dressed at least a little more practically for the weather, though still in teeshirts and black pants. He can be found in all his usual places - the low-numbers kitchen, the deck, and the library - during the day, as well as sitting in the Annex underlevel on a blanket to enjoy the breeze in the cooler underground cavern. He's not completely immune to heat, only mostly.

Those who hang around the outside of the station at night, when things have cooled off a little more, will find him either on the deck still or out on the sand behind the stables, working with some sort of light magic as he turns it into different colors from his usual blue, and, eventually, into the shapes of letters and simple symbols. It seems like he's having quite a bit of fun, at least.]

Also May 2-4, also around the Station but more common room/kitchens/his room

[What's that sound? What's that flash in the corner of your eye?

It's a cat - the size of a full grown feline already, though her proportions mark her as not yet an adult - with a dark blue collar and a ringing bell.

And she is having the zoomies around the residential floor after escaping her dad's room. Nyoom, off she goes!

Or perhaps you're sitting in the kitchens or the common room when she finally wears herself out a bit, and you've been approached for Pettings, Please. Or perhaps you have food. Or perhaps your shoelaces have just become her new toy in place of randomly zooming around.

However it is you encounter this fluffy little monster, you can be sure that Izunia is not too far behind, led by the sound of her bell.]

May 5th, Night

[Once the heat wave breaks, it's finally time to make use of one of the Station's new features. With all the windows open to the breeze and the sound of the storm, Izunia is sprawled out in the hot tub in a pair of black trunks and nothing else. The way his head is tipped back, it's easy to mistake him for asleep, but the sound of someone else arriving makes him glance in the direction of the door. It's still fairly easy to tell him apart from Ardyn, though, if you know what to look for - blue eyes, still clean-shaven, and a black tattoo on his chest, the majority of it blurred by the bubbling water except for the two crows flying highest in the direction of his neck.]

Evening.

Comments

[burninglight]

[Ardyn all but flinched at the question, turning deathly quiet and refusing to look up at Izunia again. Trapped in the simulation as a spectator for all eternity--he could imagine it too well, and the concept sent that cold horrified chill through him again.]

...

[He didn't dare say a word right away; either his voice would break or Ardyn would. This was too much to handle all at once, and he felt like a spring so tightly coiled as to snap under even the slightest bit more pressure. Ardyn tried to compose himself in the silence that followed, left hand gripping his right forearm as if to make sure it was still attached--or making sure something else wasn't.]

Swear to me that you didn't know. That-...that you didn't know the thing you tried to kill was still me, somewhere. I can't even begin to accept the concept that you cared until I hear that from you.

cw suicidal ideation

[founderinglight]

I didn't. The guilty part of me says that I should have, that if I really cared then I would have just known without being told... But that's stupid and I'm not listening to it anymore.

I didn't have any reason to doubt what I was told. For who would doubt the gods themselves? I was distraught to the point of insanity and being told I had to live instead of following you into that darkness, and it all came out in horrible, twisted ways.

I don't remember clearly enough to say that I never doubted. But I really was convinced it wasn't you. I will swear that on whatever you like.

[burninglight]

[Ardyn swiped the back of his hand across his eyes, under the pretense of pushing his hair from his face again.]

...I don't know if I can trust you. But I'm choosing to believe you, if only on this and for this moment. That's all I can give you right now.

[founderinglight]

...I'm still angry with you. I'm two thousand years of not letting myself be angry at you, because I was so guilty that I couldn't stand to do much as think a word against you. I don't know when I'm going to stop being angry.

But if you do decide to trust me, then it has to be real trust. That goes both ways, that tells me things instead of trying to hide them because you think that will protect me. Or so help me, next time I won't stop until I actually break your jaw.

...But I love you. Always. Hopefully a little less obsessively and stupidly this time.

[burninglight]

...I'm still angry, too. Tired as I am of it, I've no ability to let go of that right now and I don't know if I'll ever be able to.I know I must have loved you once, but I don't-...there's so little of that left that I can barely even grasp the sentiment. You're practically a stranger to me as we are now, and I...this just isn't going to be anything straightforward or easy.

[founderinglight]

I don't expect it to be easy. I think I would be angry if it was.

And in some ways, you're a stranger to me, too. But you're one that I know is worth the effort - not because you're my brother, or at least not just because of that. But because I've seen the people who love you and I want to see what they see. The person underneath that's worth fighting for and calling family, whatever else he may have been.

[burninglight]

I suppose...that sounds fair enough. Just don't expect all of them to be quite so willing to give you a chance.

[founderinglight]

As long as they're civil about it. Having my temper back makes me far less tolerant of bullshit, don't be terribly surprised if I wind up snapping at a couple of them.

[burninglight]

[Ardyn briefly pictured what would happen if Izunia snapped at Church and the shouting match that would no doubt ensue. And he just sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose.]

[founderinglight]

I'm not going to hit them. But I am, in fact, only human, and Heart in particular is fond of pushing my limits.

[He's just saying. P A robot makes him snappy.]

[burninglight]

No, I'm only imaging the kind of headaches that's liable to result in.

[founderinglight]

It's headaches all the way down, brother dear, none of this is set to be easy.

[He shakes some of the sand out of his scarf.]

That's why it's worth doing. Why they're worth the effort.

[burninglight]

They're worth absolutely everything. [Ardyn gripped his forearm again, staring off at nothing in particular.]

[founderinglight]

...I'm jealous, you know. That wherever you go, you always wind up pulling people to you. That ability of yours to so easily gather loyalty... I hate it, just a little.

[burninglight]

['But a jealous king, one not yet chosen by the Crystal-']

[Ardyn shook his head slightly as if to clear a thought from his mind, trying to focus. Not now; this wasn't the person to start deteriorating in front of.]

It's not as though that's something I can control. I didn't even want it this time.

[founderinglight]

I didn't say it was rational. I just... feel like I was always coasting by on your social hand-me-downs. I never really made any friends of my own that I can remember, before this place, and I'm not so foolish as to think that it's the same kind of to the death loyalty as in your family.

[burninglight]

[Sounds like a personal problem, he wanted to say. Followed by that's not my fault, or a more bitter you sure as hell coasted by on everything else of mine.]

[But he said none of that, pushing it back behind the same locked door as the directionless fury he felt towards those he couldn't exact revenge upon.]

You don't want to deal with what we had to go through to earn that. I wouldn't even have wished that on you at my worst.

[founderinglight]

[C'mon, Ardyn, get mad, it's better for you in the long run!]

Maybe not. But I want that, that level of acceptance without having to fear that people will see what you really are and reject you. The only person I ever got anything like that from was you, and that's obviously not going to happen right now.

[burninglight]

It's not just going to get dropped on your fucking head. You just said you have friends here, or at least implied as much. That's exactly how it starts, you don't just happen upon people willing to all but die and kill for you from day one.

[founderinglight]

I know. But knowing it with my head and knowing it with my heart are two different things. I can keep the former in charge of the latter but that doesn't mean I don't want it.

[burninglight]

Then actually work towards it instead of just pressing your face to a metaphorical window and being envious of me, because that will help neither of us.

[founderinglight]

Who says I'm not? Have you actually paid attention to the dynamics here instead of just trying to avoid me as much as possible? I'm working on it. I'm just frustrated because I am finally getting there and then you show up with your package deal family and your wedding ring as though the universe wants to shove it up my nose to prove that I'll never be as good as you.

[burninglight]

Never b--are you stupid? Why the hell are you comparing yourself to me, do you have any idea the state I'm actually in these days? I'm a fucking wreck, and here you are with the demeanor of the godsdamned Founder King, you...

...is it really any damn wonder I was afraid they'd look at you and realize what a miserable shadow of a king I truly was in comparison?

[founderinglight]

Yes, you fucking idiot. I don't know if you've noticed, but you're far from the only complete wreck around here, I sleep with a nightlight.

[Breathe, Izunia. Take a minute.]

I don't know how the hell you think I'm put together, I'm best known around here for napping in weird places because it's the easiest way to manage my fatigue, I should almost certainly be on some kind of antidepressant, I have to draw nearly everyone at the Station in order to truly memorize their faces and I don't know how to deal with my own history other than just not thinking about it. We're both wrecks.

[burninglight]

I can barely sleep at all because being alone in these miserable rooms starts making my skin crawl. Can't imagine why.

[The sharp sarcasm made it quite clear that he could imagine exactly why.]

I'm a disaster held together by stubbornness and necessity, Izunia. I'm falling apart at any given second under the guilt of what I can't forget, and constantly trying to hold on to what I can still remember lest it vanish like so much else. I can't just 'not think about it', not for all the times I've woken up not sure where or who I am; it's clawing at my mind trying to tear me apart constantly. I've lived and died for the people willing to help hold me together, and now with even just one of them absent it's as if I've had a godsdamned arm torn off for how much it hurts and how useless I feel.

I'm sick of being kicked around alternate universes of not my own will, I'm tired of being afraid that this is going to turn into something nightmarish, and I just want to go home.