phantasmalrift | and for the dark; and for the light

and for the dark; and for the light

Who: Izunia and you! Especially if you are Ardyn or Maddie.
What: Birthday bros! And a few other conversations. Also, Armiger practice.
Where: Rise kitchens, library, a few other places.
When: The last few days of August and the first week of September.
Warnings: Murdergame discussion likely in Ardyn's thread; child abuse/neglect discussion likely in Maddie's.

[Aug 30; Text -> Kitchens, closed to Ardyn]

[Early afternoon comes a message from Ardyn's least favorite twin - ]

If you're still willing to participate in birthday cake production and related activities, I'll be settling up in the kitchens here in about an hour.

[Always leave him room to back out - truthfully Izunia is still extremely surprised that Ardyn agreed to the idea in the first place. But he'll be at the kitchens at the appointed hour, idly scrubbing pans and loading the dishwasher while he waits, very much not starting on the cake itself until Ardyn arrives.]

[Aug 30; Kitchens/common room, later]

[It appears that someone has set up... a surprising quantity of nicely decorated cake out? And there's also ice cream cake in the freezer. How'd that happen.

If you fail to run into the culprit, you might discover Izunia sprawled across one of the common room couches, a plate with no less than three kinds of cake on it. Most of them are the well-decorated ones, but there's also a very plain one that just says CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE AGED on it.

He's also keeping a particular eye out for Maddie if she passes through.]

[Library, Aug 28-Sept 3rd minus the 30th]

[Outside of his birthday celebrations - lowkey as they are - Izunia can mostly be found in the library this week. As usual, a good portion of what he can be caught reading is magic-related texts, but there's also a genuinely shocking number of children's and YA novels getting stacked up next to him, sorted into a series of piles. He seems to be churning through them in about half an hour to an hour a piece, so it's... getting to be a lot by the time he packs it in for the day each day, even with the usual amount of Nap.]

[Beach, Sept 4th, night]

[It's a very far way off from the Station that the flashes of blue light can be seen, and likely to very unusual to those who recognize their source. It's hardly just the trails and afterimages of warping and phasing that hang in the air, though. The shapes of Royal Arms hanging in the air, but also the orbs of light that are seemingly his to conjure now -

It's rare to see Izunia push himself, usually confident in his abilities, but it seems like he's doing so now. And it's suitably impressive, but something about his posture seems unsatisfied...

Hopefully, you weren't so foolish as to approach without a light, though, because if you hadn't heard, the guy flinging explosive balls of light and a variety of magical weapons around is Jumpy in the Dark.

And much later that night, you might catch him returning to the station, physically exhausted but with the usual air of warm gentleness about him, and rather a lot of sand still clinging to his clothes.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I wasn't exactly thrilled about it either, so I suppose I can understand.

[outpaced as he was right now, he still earned his second title]

We met Noctis' crew not very long after their season's conclusion. it had been...a few months by then, I think? He'd watched the same season you did, so luckily it didn't come down to the fight in front of Spacebucks that I was afraid it would.

[because he was deadass terrified noctis was gonna beat the shit out of him in the parking lot]

Now listen, because you'll like this part. In the time between us blowing up the mansion and running into his group, Noctis and his surviving group became a crew of space pirates. Literal pirates, in space, with laser swords running around making Intergal's life as inconvenient as possible.

He's the best nephew ever.

[Just wait until you've helped raise them, dadman. A couple years taking care of Ruu and you'll get it even more.

Izunia listens and - laughs at the description.]

Oh, I can see it all too keenly. He truly deserves to be my favorite.

Being absurd amounts of trouble runs deep in the bloodline and I'm terribly proud of him.

[The smile started fading just a little, as Ardyn sorted through what came after that.]

...A bit of time after that, Nina eventually announced the upcoming 'fifth and final season'. I think we all knew then and there that we were screwed, but there really was nothing we could do. Even if we ran across the universe, they'd still find us. [Ardyn tapped his forearm, where there'd once been a PIP and now was a phoenix tattoo under his sleeve.] Nina always knew where we were; none of our efforts to escape or hide out ever mattered for much of anything.

Ultimately we were just stuck waiting, and that's when they reran the first season...one said to have been unpopular because of its ending. It hadn't gone as planned, and everyone except for Nina herself and two Champions died.

...Including Prompto and Lady Lunafreya.

I did see them on the volume cover.

[It's not a surprise to him, he did look through the extra materials, but - ]

I can only imagine that Noctis was in quite a state.

It was...unpleasant. Mostly for him.

[just gonna gloss over all that g u i l t of his own]

After that...after that we got a message from that contact again, Jaycee. He tipped us off to Intergal moving some Airlocked 'assets' through a spaceport. And around the same time it sounded as though Cece--the intern, not the AI--had been captured by them as well.

[He did a very good job of not sounding angry, mostly because he was brushing panic-causing topics instead.]

So we split up again. We knew it was all a fucking trap, I knew there was no getting out of it. But what choice did we have, if there was even the smallest chance of salvaging some part of the situation? If it was even remotely possible that we could fight back, we...we had to try.

Edited 2018-10-01 02:36 (UTC)

[He's seen you around Prompto here, Ardyn, he's not stupid.]

To try at the chance of a miracle, against hiding for however long it took for them to come collect you? You don't need to justify it, Ardyn. I understand.

[Time to do the part of the ice cream thing where we boil it before freezing it. How's that, man.]

[he's fine he's great he's struggling to focus, a normal day]

...it wasn't Jaycee's fault. He'd been forced into baiting us there. I don't-... [Ardyn shook his head, trailing off briefly.] I don't...remember a lot of what happened. I know it went badly, and fast. I remember Kip shooting at Nina, because he was the only one she couldn't disarm due to not wearing a PIP in the first place. I told him to get out and look after Junpei and Yuuri, then-...she knocked us out. And I don't-

[Ardyn had gone very pale, struggling to maintain composure as he tried to continue.]

I don't remember. I don't remember if I woke up between then and later, I don't know what the hell they did to get everything out of the Armiger and disable it, but it was my fault--

[Something cracked, Ardyn stepping back and pulling a chair out of said Armiger to drop into, doubling over gripping his own arms.]

...it was my fault. We were separated, and when Kip broke the rest of them out they came back for me instead of getting the hell out. I lied and told them everything would be fine before we all split up, Xander was shot and Kip died in my arms because they came back for me--

[As soon as it becomes obvious that Ardyn is struggling, Izunia snaps the heat of the stove off and abandons the cooking to focus on him. After he drops into the chair, Izunia is right by his side, his hands open in offer but stopped shy of touching. He'll try with words first to break through.]

Ardyn. Come back. You're a universe way from there; there's nothing she can do to you here.

[Ardyn took a shaking breath, hands pried from his shoulders to move to his head instead. Inhale, exhale--rattling and unsteady, but breathing at least.]

...

Ardyn.

[A hesitant hand on his elbow.]

Come on, with me now.

Don't-

[Ardyn flinched back, that time out of reflex.]

...Don't. Please. Just tell me where we're going.

We're not going anywhere, Ardyn.

[Keep his voice even, keep repeating the name - you're Ardyn, you're his brother, take a deep breath and come out of your head.

In spite of the flinch, he doesn't remove his hand, not until he's sure that Ardyn is here.]

Come on, deep breaths.

[Another slow breath and slight shake of his head, followed by a long silence. Breathe, focus, remember where you are.]

[After a moment that felt far longer than it was:]

I'm...okay. I'm here.

Need a break?

Just...need to focus, for a minute. Ask me about something else, just--anything but that part, right now.

Tell me about some of the others, then - from the other seasons. I'm not watching those, so I have no idea what I'm in for.

[Also he's gonna finally slide his hand off your elbow in order to go back to the stove.]

[Deep breath, slow exhale.]

Jane's from the second season--she's Xander's adopted daughter. Really sweet girl; she's an excellent baker and a better friend, and she gave me an old trident of hers that she didn't want around anymore. She's the kind of person that can come through in a crisis, but at the same time strikes you as needing to be helped along to realize what she can do. And she's a lot of fun when one needs to cause a bit of chaos.

[He managed a faint smile; glitterbombing Xander had been an unconventional solution, but it had been fun.]

Touko-...she's one of Noctis'. Lacking in confidence to say the least, but she's a magnificent person. Brilliant, compassionate, and with more than a bit of a vengeful streak. I think we both adopted her, Noctis and I alike. Her last name was 'Fukawa' when we met, but it's Touko Lucis Caelum now.

Jamie was the only survivor left from the first season; a bit timid and nervous like Touko, but a stunningly talented artist with a good sense of humor. He's the one that did these for us. [Ardyn pressed a hand to the Kingsglaive sigil on the back of his neck.]

Edited 2018-10-01 04:39 (UTC)

[One eye on Ardyn, one eye on the stove, Izunia settles with his back against the counter, stirring lazily.]

You really have gone giving the name out to anyone who wanted it, didn't you?

[It's a little wry, but mostly fond.]

I'm glad. That you were all able to have relatively happy times for a bit and that you tended to get along well, I mean.

Carrying the name was of more value to people like Yuuri and Touko than it was to me. Who am I to deny them that?

[He exhaled slowly, raking a hand through his hair with a hesitant smile.]

I forgot--that scientist we were staying with, Yl'lb Ein. He's...well, less eccentric than me, but he very much did build an explosive laser in his backyard while we were there. So we got along swimmingly, which I suppose is likely a pun considering I think his species is amphibious.

Then there's Connie-...CT, she's from Leonard's world. There's a whole mess of complicated circumstances tied up with Project Freelancer, but she's someone sane enough to know what they were doing was fucked up. She's caring and trustworthy, but tough as nails when she has to be.

[The brief tangent back to going on about his friends seemed to have a point, Ardyn taking another measured breath before continuing.]

I...felt like I belonged somewhere, when we were all together. I do, rather. None of them regarded me as some kind of horrible monster, even if a fair handful were hesitant around me at first. Even then, it was like I fit in easily with this scattered band of broken lunatics. Like I...wasn't alone anymore.

I wanted them to have that same security if they needed it. Whether familial, as friends, or just as support--I wanted to be what I couldn't for so long, and return the compassion the others showed me back in the mansion. So of course I welcomed anyone that needed anything like that; a name is what one makes of it, and if giving mine to them helped them carve out that same place to belong, it's an easy thing to hand off.

...I can't always be that person. Compassion I'm better at, but I've never mastered forgiveness and I don't think I ever will. But I'm...trying, a little at a time.

I suppose there's a limit to what the name must have meant to you, given the circumstances.

[Given that it served primarily as a remnant of the family that he thought had betrayed him, that he wanted to reject.]

I remember... being relieved, when I first woke up here. That I didn't have to step up anymore, didn't have to hold myself to the same standard - and there are so many standards to hold yourself to, as a king. You have to be the fairest, the most forgiving, the least self-interested, polite to all and an enemy to none. Patient with every stupid thing and reserving your authority for when you really need it, lest you be labeled a tyrant. Compromise, compromise, compromise. You have to be on, all the time, damn near even in your own bed.

[He stirs in silence for a minute more before pulling the spoon clear and tapping it on the edge of the bubbling pot, freeing the drips before he vanishes it into the air.]

Which is a roundabout expression of understanding - because this is the first place where I felt, in so very long, safe to be human. Those are your people, and these are mine, and there isn't so much a gap as a place where the two blur together.

[Ardyn answered with a slight nod, briefly swiping the back of his hand over his eyes as he started to arrange his gathered composure back into place.]

...would've been terrible at it, honestly. Leonard's sure I'd have been a great king, and I don't have the heart to correct him for how much I like the assurance. But even had things not gone wrong, I'd never have been able to manage. You...were better at that, I think. Keeping up appearances, balancing standards and keeping to a hundred different rules. Hell, the main reason I speak like this now is because I'm done putting up any appearances. Being around the people I have all but ruined my skill for eloquence, and I'm glad for it; it just means the person I am isn't hiding behind as many theatrics, or some kind of mask of selflessness.

I am what they helped make me into, and that's something I take pride in. Flawed, broken and pieced back together, and more human than I think I ever was.

You've seen it yourself--I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for them. Queenie left me the option that Ardyn Izunia would likely have taken just to finally rest, but all of them gave Ardyn Tenmyouji a thousand more reasons to shatter those vials without ever thinking twice.

I've had that thought a few times myself. You would have managed it, of that I have no doubt, especially with me there to help you along, but you wouldn't have taken to it naturally and you wouldn't have been happy about it.

[But he pauses, and smiles slightly.]

Though I'm afraid the theatrics are in your bones, 3D-printed or not; you just tend to save them for special occasions now. When I compare all the people you have been, there are enough threads that are common that I think of them as you, as the Ardyn without name who exists between and through all of them.

[Izunia hasn't lost the talent for eloquence, and probably never will.]

But out of all of them, I know that Tenmyouji is the Ardyn who is the most at ease with himself, and the happiest. That's what they call 'aging gracefully,' I suppose.

[Ardyn let out a quiet laugh, exhausted and a little strained.]

Only took me a couple millennia to figure out.

Maybe so. But from another angle, you're still in your thirties, and a bit out of practice at humanity at that. 'Ardyn Izunia' wasn't a creature who considered whether or not he was comfortable in his own skin or the emotional value that bonds with other people hold; he just existed.

[Going to start divvying up ingredients for the cake now while waiting for the ice cream to cool enough to go into the churner.]

It makes me feel like I'm the elder, sometimes. This isn't exactly my first time being thirty-six.

...The weight of all those centuries is one unbearable at times, so much so that I have to force myself to keep distance from it. Else it all comes crashing inward and I feel...wrong. Like this body and mind don't fit correctly, or they aren't enough to contain everything. There's so much of it over so long, it's just...more than any human mind is ever meant to comprehend or experience.

[He'd told Noctis once that he felt smaller; being an eternal concept in human-shaped form for so long left actual humanity a sort of confinement in itself. Which wasn't something he expected anyone to understand when Ardyn could barely articulate the sensation...but he presumed one of the Lucii could at least come close.]

But at the same time, I...you're right. Even with that I often feel as though time stopped for myself alone in some ways. I didn't change over those long ages, I just distorted. Until I awoke outside that mansion, whatever still remained that was human wasn't able to take a single step forward or back.

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