Viewing deck, after Erina's post storm clears [closed for Merry]

[thecompletionofthings]

Who: Harriet and Merry
Where: viewing deck
When: after the shitposts have slowed a bit—I guess two days after the swap meet? not clear OOC, sorry
What: Harriet and Merry have A Talk that Harriet had hoped to put off
Warnings: discussion of sexuality, non-explicit

Harriet makes her way to the viewing deck atop Keystone Station. Her phone is still pinging regularly, but she's no longer paying nearly as much attention—she's waiting for Merry to show up and that keeps her from focusing on the screen.

Comments

[hurt_comforting]

She arrives almost exactly to the half hour, as promised; it's t-shirt and skirt weather, scorching hot, and she's brought two bottles of water.

She starts with pressing one into Harriet's hands - cold from the fridge - with only half a smile and a muttered greeting, then settles in next to her, leaning on the railing.

"So. Something important to tell me, then," she says, punctuating it with a sigh.

[thecompletionofthings]

"OK, so," Harriet starts, and stops. She stares at the bottle of water like she's going to open it, but doesn't. After a moment she sighs and starts over. "OK, so this is a long speech, please hear me out.

"So first of all, Goro told me we can probably eventually get back not just to where we left, but to when we left. Which means Zoë doesn't think I'm gone forever. I'll just come back in different clothes and maybe more cut. And you'll be able to talk to Anna. Figured you should know that.

"Second, I'm more than a little into you. Well, you know that of course. But it's not just because you're cute and you hugged me when I really needed it. It's also because of how you handled Lily when she really needed it. And because...I don't know. I'm not the world's most rational thinker, I go on feel a lot of the time, and I feel like if we spend much time together I'm gonna be head-over-heels.

"Third, I'm not prepared for an exclusive relationship. If I were, I'd be saving myself for Zoë, you know? I'm polyamorous. I'm not set up to be with just one person at a time, I see a cute girl and I want to smooch her, and maybe more. I know lots of people feel that way and just don't do it, or get into serial monogamy, or whatever. I--I don't know. Maybe I'm setting myself up for permanent disappointment. But I've, like, read about this? The Ethical Slut and like that? I would never cheat on anyone."

Harriet anxiously studies Merry's face, trying to guess her thoughts before continuing.

[hurt_comforting]

She lets her spill her guts, listening intently, drinking water as she goes because seriously, this heat. She nods at the revelation that they return from the moment they're taken, shelving that thought for what follows: she can't help but smile at the second statement, at being admired for who she is rather than how she looks.

But she winces at the third statement. It's unconscious, involuntary, pained. Her eyes close and there's a memory behind them that Harriet isn't privy to.

She sighs.

"You know, I've never run across that book," she says, in what she's hoping is a mild tone but comes out flatter than she intended or would like. "Do you have a copy? I'd like to read it... and possibly give it to someone back home."

...It's at least something more than uninflected disgust or jealousy.

[thecompletionofthings]

"Oh." Harriet fiddles with her water bottle, still not opening it, suddenly unable to look Merry in the eye. "I'm sorry."

She's been hurt before. Well, she had to know. Saves time I guess.

"Uh, I have it on my phone? I could probably ask one of the androids to show me how to copy it over to yours. But. Um."

There doesn't seem to be a sentence after "but um," or if there is one, it's hanging fire.

Oh, right, she's specifically from Keenan Path

[hurt_comforting]

She allows herself another long, dramatic sigh.

"Please do. It might... it wasn't me that got hurt. But I had to do some of the cleaning up after the fallout," she says.

Like you do, when you're an underage, undertrained crisis counselor.

"And it was someone I considered a friend... not even cheating to the letter, to hear the aggrieved party talk about him, but being given an inch and taking a mile. I'm not looking forward to seeing how long his contrition lasts when I return, especially since a Pilot I'm close friends with is warming up to him."

[thecompletionofthings]

"Oh."

Well, I suppose having had to support a friend who got hurt is less traumatizing than having it happen to you? Maybe?

"I'm sorry to hear…

"Anyway I—I can tell you what there would be. What I would offer you. If we clicked, and were…offering each other things."

[hurt_comforting]

She falls silent for a moment. This is a terrible, terrible idea.

But -

"...I'm listening," she says softly.

[thecompletionofthings]

"So there's a concept that a lot of polyamorous people use to organize their romantic and sexual lives. Primary and secondary relationships. Um, a primary partner is someone with whom you have a long-term, committed, reciprocal emotional bond? And for most people that's a dyad. Maybe a closed triad. I guess Goro and his fiancés, plus the one that got left behind, make a tetrad, but I never heard of a balanced tetrad before, it usually breaks up into two pairs with weaker inter-pair bonds. Like particle physics or something. Sorry, I'm digressing.

"Then there are secondary relationships, which aren't casual? but aren't as…deep, I guess. They're recreational. They're not…life-shaping. There's usually more to them than sex, but it's all just having fun. And one of the most common arrangements is that primary partners get veto power over their partners' secondaries. Within limits, I mean if someone's just vetoing everyone out of hand then the relationship is breaking down already.

"Um, so you're the only person I've met here that I feel romantic about. Lots of hot girls. Only one Merry. And if we decided to get serious, I would say, you are my primary partner, and I will come back to you, always, or anyway until we all go home. I would say, I won't party down with anyone, or date them, or do more than flirt, unless they meet your approval. I would say, when you need my time, when you need me, you have first claim, I will come to you. I would say, if I feel like my feelings are changing, you will know the moment I do, and we will talk about it, and if I need to cut someone out of my life so they don't threaten our relationship, then that's what will happen.

"That's what…I would say. If I were looking at getting serious with someone."

Again she anxiously studies Merry's face.

[hurt_comforting]

"...I'm beginning to think Keenan may have learned the wrong lessons from his mistakes," are the first words out of her mouth.

She's not proud of that being her first reaction. Especially since she's flattered. Massively, massively flattered. Her blushing is subtle, but it's there.

"Sorry," she says, wincing. "This sounds like... what he didn't realize he was promising. Laying out on the table beats making assumptions, to be sure, and."

She looks into her eyes.

She looks away, taking a deep breath. "I have to admit I like the idea of attention from someone... valiant... as you, even if it's not exclusive attention. Knowing that going in does... help."

She giggles. "Especially since it means I don't have to restrain my natural impulse to flirt," she says.

[thecompletionofthings]

Harriet takes a deep breath, lets it out, and forces herself not to grin ear-to-ear. Oh my God she didn't say no. She didn't say no!

I mean, she didn't say yes either, but I didn't ask…

"Flirt away," Harriet says. "Even…you know…be people's Anchor. It's not polyfuckery, it's polyamory, you share your heart with more than one person. But I would expect just the same commitment from you. I would want to be first. For as long as it lasted."

She clears her throat, and finally stops fidgeting with her water bottle long enough to open it, chug a good third of it, and close it again.

"So are we still on for tonight?" she finally says, eyes searching for Merry's.

[hurt_comforting]

"Despite all of the jokes," Merry damn near growls, "Anchoring does not require romance, or else poor Joshua would be up a creek without me paddling."

But it's a good-natured correction, and Harriet finds Merry's eyes for a moment.

When she loses them again, it's because she's closed them, and is smiling into a loose fist over her lips.

"You had a different kind of courage back there with Lily," she says. "A different kind than mine. Taking me aside to come to terms, to warn me... well, I don't have to tell you that not everyone would have."

She takes Harriet's hands in hers. "Let me show you around the gardens? Please. If we do nothing else."

[thecompletionofthings]

Harriet squeezes Merry's hands. "Yes. Let's do that."

And hand in hand they go.