Who knows what’s right? The lines keep getting thinner

[makejapangreat]

Who: Shido Masayoshi and whatever unfortunate soul decides to approach him (Open)
What: Shido is working himself to the bone via self-inflicted punishment
When: Early May (like 5/1 ~ 5/12 or thereabouts)
Where: Various
Warnings: Lots of badbrain stuff going on with Shido rn, including self-deprecation, possible thoughts of suicide


[Library]
[Off in the corner sits a man, pouring over a manner of books. The more the days go by, the more that energy and health is sapped from him. The bags under his eyes have been persistent since day one of arriving here, but the noticeable changes are that he does seem to be losing some weight, and perhaps becoming a bit pallid... Yet a fire burns behind his eyes as he reads at the library like clockwork, occasionally extending a hand, fingers tensing, trying to press themselves down on some invisible object. Very occasionally, if one just happens to be around at the right time of day, they might hear a singular "pop" of air in his direction. It's also possible, at times, to find him completely slumped over on the table he's at, asleep, often grunting and twitching in his sleep— it's clearly not very restful...

On a brighter now, later on in the week you might see a henohenomoheji drawn on the back of Shido's head? He doesn't seem to be aware of this...]

[Library - 5/7 (Closed to Izunia)]
[There's more than just a pop today. Today? There's an outright crackle and snap of electricity.

Followed by an agonized yell and the clatter of a chair.

Shido lays on the floor, breathing heavily, one arm desperately clutching at the other that spasms from the surge of electricity that had torn through it. And then something peculiar happens.

Shido laughs. An unsteady sort of laugh, but nevertheless.

Maybe he electrocuted himself so badly he fried his brain...]

[Outside]
[If you get extra lucky, you might catch Shido outside. Particularly, the spot he chooses to go is north, to the top of the Skyclimb Cliffs, where he looks out to the ocean. It seems, well... somewhat of a precarious place for someone to be, really. He seems to be awfully close to the edge at times, no sign of fear or wariness in his body. You might catch him looking down, as if considering something, but for the most part? His gaze remains on the endless blue.

And then, after about thirty minutes of this, he'll quietly turn and head back.]

Comments

[makejapangreat]

[Ah... he places the orange into her hand.]

Fruit is something of a delicacy, where I come from. I can count the number of times I've had it on two hands in the fifty-three years of my life.

[caduceusoncall]

[Relief relaxes her shoulders as she sets to work peeling the orange for him. She works remarkably fast as she speaks.]

I encourage you to eat more of it now that it is available to you. It will help you feel better physically and fortify against illness.

As for your "atrocities", it is not my place to judge you on your past. It is simply my duty to ensure that everyone under my care, which includes you as long as we are both at this station, remains healthy. I understand you have done terrible things, and your remorse will be only a small part of your punishment, I am sure, but you cannot simply let yourself to decay into nothingness. That is foolish.

[She sets the peeled orange down on the table, demonstrating how to pull it apart as she continues on.]

You cannot right any wrong by sinking into self deprecation and misery.

[makejapangreat]

[Shido watches her peel the orange... huh. Okay, that seems pretty straightforward.

The part about him being "under her care" gets him to blink and look up in confusion, before his gaze falls to the orange again.]

... Perhaps.

[A soft, hesitant agreement.]

I would have been executed for the crimes back at home. [A small scoff.] I don't know that I would even still be alive, had I not been pulled here.

[caduceusoncall]

Then you should be grateful to have a chance to make a difference here. You may still face execution if you ever return home, but for now you are alive and in a position to begin repairing the damage you have done to others. And to yourself.

[makejapangreat]

[Grateful? He mostly feels ashamed, like he somehow cheated his way out of the system, even though he had no intention to. To that very last part, he gives a small startled, wry bark of a laugh.]

What I've done to most people is irreparable.

[caduceusoncall]

[She stiffens at the laughter, narrows her eyes slightly.]

To call what you did to those people "irreparable" is a kindness, but that does not mean you have to embrace it and treat yourself like you are a hopeless loss. You cannot fully repair what you have done, no. But that does not lift your responsibility to try.

Eat well. Sleep well. Work in moderation. And when you are healed, live with what you have done, but live.

[makejapangreat]

[His gaze settles on that orange while she talks, somewhat distant. He keeps hearing this, over and over and over. Repent, repent, repent. Yet he should be punished. He knows that he should. The people he had made suffer would no doubt want him to suffer in turn...

He finally blinks, and gives something of a hum acknowledgment.]

... thank you for the food.

[caduceusoncall]

[Angela sighs. Perhaps it was naive to think her words would have any effect on him. But she has to try, right? It's her responsibility to take care of those who don't take care of themselves. Even the formerly wicked.]

You are welcome. Try not to overwork yourself any more than you already have.

[A moment's pause as she begins to get up.]

What are you working on?

[makejapangreat]

[... perhaps he should at least go to bed...]

... lightning magic. [The words are a bit awkward on his tongue, like they still feel foreign.] For future expeditions.

[caduceusoncall]

Ah. I respectfully request that you take care not to use it on others unless your safety depends upon it.

[It's almost like the words aren't directed at him. Just something she says automatically to anyone who has potentially dangerous magic or abilities.]

[That said, later on she will worry about the implications of someone like him having such a difficult to control power at his disposal.]

I believe I still have a book from the library about channeling effects in my room. I was using it to help me understand the nature of focusing one's will into a physical effect. I will leave it by your room tomorrow, if you'd like.

[makejapangreat]

I'll be careful.

[He certainly doesn't intend to willy-nilly try to wield an element he has such little experience with around others... ffffor the most part? It does register that.. maybe he shouldn't be trying to practice if someone has come up to him. Hm.

He looks slightly surprised, before his gaze softens slightly. There are... so many incredibly kind people here, it honestly floors him... He gives a nod.]

Thank you. My name's Shido. [... she probably already knows from the network, but there's no reason not to be polite.]

[caduceusoncall]

Angela. Or Mercy, if you prefer. Perhaps turn in a bit earlier tonight, Shido. It won't do you any good to be exhausted while learning a new skill.

[She leaves him in whatever peace Shido Masayoshi is capable of finding, hoping her words have at least made him consider not being dead and dying all the time. True to her word, a book titled "Changing Channels: An Exploration of Spellcasting" can be found propped up beside his door the next morning.]