When I was a teenager [a weird turn of phrase for her to say, but whatever, she's pretty much 20 now] I saw this video on the Internet of a bunch of pears being shipped in a box. Turns out if you don't use those little plastic fruit sweaters they get battered and wobbled around as if the whole thing was some kinda nineteenth century torture device for toddlers.

So. Pear wiggler.

[She tosses the giant monster bat an apple, which it devours whole.]